• Editor

Big George's funeral takes the opportunity to blame Trump


With much media fanfare and hype the funeral for the patron saint of porn, George Floyd, has proceeded in Houston, Texas where he was born with speakers as long as Floyd’s impressive appendage lined up to remember a man whose 'crime was that he was born black'.


Floyd, whose death in police custody caused a global outrage bigger than the state in which he has buried (and that’s not all), has sparked impassioned pleas for racial justice worldwide along with unprecedented rioting, looting and social anarchy not seen since the release of the MAGA hat.


Attending mourners paid their respects to Saint Floyd ironically donning 'I cant' breath' masks and badges, unwittingly triggering emotional flashbacks of asphyxiation from the general population worldwide whilst simultaneously reminding them of not being able to attend their own loved ones funerals due to now nonexistent social distancing regulations.


According to reports, Mr. Floyd died in Minneapolis last month as a white-as-bread police officer performed a masonic ritual kneel on his neck for nearly nine minutes whilst being filmed from multiple angles (not unfamiliar to Floyd) for what was clearly a winner Twister move had Floyd’s airways not been involved.



Police officer Derek Chauvin, who strangely is also reported to moonlight as both a crisis and porn actor, has since been charged with Floyd’s murder, along with another three police officers who were sacked and charged despite two not even participating in Chauvin’s WWE inspired gymnastics.


Floyd’s coffin has been taken from the church and is being driven in a motorcade worthy of a national treasure to the Houston Memorial Gardens where he will be buried beside his mother.


Ignoring the opportunity to actually pay tribute to her almost Gandhi Uncle George; one of Floyd's nieces, Brooke Williams did take the opportunity to blame Donald Trump for pretty much everything on the planet designed to disadvantage black people both now and since the dawn of time despite forgetting her President’s name.



'Why must this system be corrupt and broken?,' she asked.


'Laws were already put in place for the African-American system to fail.


'And these laws need to be changed.


'No more hate crimes, please!


'Someone said 'Make America Great Again' but when has America ever been great?".



Republican President Donald Trump's Democratic opponent in the November presidential election, Joe Biden, woke up just in time to address the service in a video message saying, 'When there is justice for George Floyd, we will truly be on our way to racial justice in America', before commenced an apology for not attending the funeral in person citing something about PTSD and potential envelopes in the ‘in memoriam’ booklet.



Floyd family spokesman Benjamin Crump made a statement on behalf of Mr. Floyd's relatives welcoming Mr. Biden's comments.


'That compassion meant the world to this grieving family', he added.


RIP, Big George.